Official Cookies Monster My Body Creaks So Much My Doctor Just Wrote Me A Prescription Unisex T-shirt, Sweatshirt, Hoodie, Long Sleeve Tee

Bold Design, Soft Fabric – Your New Everyday Favorite

Not to be dramatic, but this might be the upgrade your wardrobe’s been waiting for. Premium Gildan® fabric, fade-proof DTG print, and a fit that feels like it was made for you.

📸 Don’t let the mockup fool you – this isn’t just a tee. Get this design on 4 styles: T-Shirt, Long Sleeve, Sweatshirt & Hoodie. You pick, we produce. Simple as that.

What Makes It Hit Different

• 🎨 Looks Fresh, Stays Fresh – High-res DTG printing captures every detail. Machine-wash friendly.
• 🧵 Fabric That Delivers – Gildan® Ultra Cotton & Heavy Blend. Soft, durable, certified low-impact dyes.
• 👕 Comfort First, Always – Taped neck, reinforced shoulders, tear-away tag. Built for all-day wearability.
• 🇺🇸 From American Farms – US Cotton Trust Protocol certified. The good stuff, sourced the right way.

Material Details

• Cotton Tees & Long Sleeves: 100% US cotton at 5.3–6 oz – naturally soft and breathable.
• Sweatshirt & Hoodie: 50/50 Heavy Blend (8 oz) – pill-resistant with spandex cuffs & waistband.
• Fabric note – Sport Grey (90/10 cotton/poly) has a slight poly blend for that classic heather finish.

Color & Size Guide

Reference the charts below before you order:

1. Find your color in the chart above.
2. Match your measurements to the size guide.
3. Add to cart and check out securely.

Shipping & Returns

• ✅ Production: 1–3 business days.
• 📦 USA Standard: 3–7 business days.
• ⚡ USA Rush: 3–5 business days.
• 🌍 International: 1–2 weeks.

Your order is freshly printed just for you. Make sure to check the size chart before ordering. Size exchanges aren’t possible for made-to-order items, but we’re here if you need anything.

🛒 Shop the full catalog at DistortTees.com. Bold designs, premium comfort.