Premium I Would Kick Your Ass But I Threw My Back Out Humping Your Mom Unisex T-shirt, Sweatshirt, Hoodie, Long Sleeve Tee

Bold Design, Soft Fabric – Your New Everyday Favorite

Soft enough to sleep in. Cool enough to post about. Every piece is DTG-printed on premium Gildan® fabric for colors that pop and comfort that lasts.

📸 What you see is a T-Shirt mockup, but don’t stop there – this design comes in 4 different styles: T-Shirt, Long Sleeve, Crewneck Sweatshirt & Hoodie. Choose your favorite and we’ll make it just for you.

Here’s Why It’s Worth It

• 🎨 Colors That Stay – Advanced DTG ink bonds with every fiber. Wash it 50 times – still looks fresh.
• 🧵 Fabric That Delivers – Gildan® Ultra Cotton & Heavy Blend. Soft, durable, certified low-impact dyes.
• 👕 Move Freely – Classic unisex fit with taped seams. The tear-away label means nothing scratching your neck.
• 🇺🇸 From American Farms – US Cotton Trust Protocol certified. The good stuff, sourced the right way.

Materials & Specs

• T-Shirt & Long Sleeve: 100% cotton (5.3–6 oz) – lightweight, breathable.
• Heavy Blend Fleece: 8 oz, 50/50 cotton/polyester – cozy warmth with pill-resistant durability.
• Sport Grey uses a 90/10 cotton/poly blend for its signature heathered tone.

Your Perfect Match

Use the charts below to pick your ideal color and size:

1. Use the color chart to explore your options.
2. Check the size chart for measurements.
3. Select, add to cart, and enjoy!

Shipping & Returns

• ✅ Made in: 1–3 business days.
• 📦 US Shipping: 3–7 business days.
• ⚡ Rush Delivery: 3–5 business days.
• 🌍 Worldwide: 1–2 weeks.

Every item is made to order just for you. Please verify your size using the chart above. We can’t accept returns for sizing errors, but we’re always here to help if something isn’t right.

🛒 Explore more designs at DistortTees.com – quality you can count on.